at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
