Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
