I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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