did you get engaged???
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
