My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
