Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
