I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
