I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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