dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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