i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
