So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
