I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
