You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone signed my nipple.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
