The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
