i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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