I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
