I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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