he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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