Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
