I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
