I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the day after is always just damage control
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
