Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
