Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
