I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was like eating out sand paper
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
