So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
