dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
