There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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