Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
