Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
