Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
