dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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