# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
