please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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