i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
