this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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