You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
