once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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