You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
