Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
