And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
