We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
