Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
