I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
