Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
