im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
