I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
