If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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