I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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