He had one of those small greek statue penises
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
