Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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